A response to War and Warriors

I was watching TV again. Yes, it's something I do way too frequently. I was watching the Today Show yesterday morning and Stevie Nicks was the featured live performer. She looked great and was in very good voice. Stevie sang one of my favorite songs of hers, "Landslide." After her set she talked with Katie Couric and related a recent trip she had made to a Veteran's Hospital. She visited soldiers recovering from injuries received in combat in Iraq and she was very moved by her experience with these men. She said, no matter how you feel about the war, you have to support the men and women who serve.

It reminded me of the Viet Nam war and the sentiment toward homecoming veterans. There has been much written about how badly Viet Nam veterans were treated when they came home. I have to say that I was an offender. I hated the war. It didn't make sense to me, and it was wasteful and such an assault to the innocence and patriotism I felt growing up. I knew men who had been drafted and gone to Viet Nam. And, much to my shame today, I was so angry at them for participating in what I believed was an act of aggression against foreign peoples for no reason other than to promote the war industry. I still think that's true, as I believe much of the Iraqi war is to benefit the profiteers of the "military industrial complex."

I was so wrong in blaming the men in our country who were put against the wall to either go to war, go to jail, or leave the country. There was a draft then and 19 year olds had no choice. I, safe within my gender, was angry that they didn't choose jail or exile. I blamed them for not having the courage of my convictions and standing up against Uncle Sam. Their acquiescense helped to perpetuate the war. I am ashamed now of my utter lack of sensitivity and the arrogance of my immaturity.

The men and women who serve in today's military are not drafted. They have a choice and initiate the process of enlistment on their own. Most of them come from communities with shrinking economic opportunity. In a world with a changing economy, diminished manufacturing jobs , and expanded high tech industries, there are few jobs for the high school grad with no special training. Many of these people are reservists who signed up with the military as if it were a part-time job. Others chose active duty as a way of learning skills or earning college money after their terms of service. In a way, their backs are against the wall also.

So how do you separate the war from the warrior? That's the hard question. Hate the war, love the warrior? That sounds familiar. Hate the sin, love the sinner. The Buddhist way is to feel compassion for the warrior. Even Gandhi, the ultimate pacifist, respected war. During his campaign for Indian independence he called a halt to all civil disobedience activities while the British were engaged in WWII. He felt it wouldn't be fair to rebel against the authority of the British while they were on the defensive against Nazi aggression.

There are no neat, non-contradictory answers. I'd love to live in a world where we all agree that war is hell, and therefore, we don't make war. But that isn't likely. Not in this lifetime.

All come to look for America

I was watching the Today Show this morning. More listening than watching, as I do. Josh Groban sang “America,” by Paul Simon. It’s a song I like and he sang it very well. He has a beautiful voice, and the lyrics are easily poetic and lyrical.

The beginning of the song is a sweet interaction between two young travelers, and the intimacy between the two is evident, yet seems uneasy. Then the lyrics,

"Kathy, I'm lost," I said, though I knew she was sleeping.
"I'm empty and aching and I don't know why."
Counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike:
They've all come to look for America
All come to look for America
All come to look for America

I remember my own journey to look for America, though it was more like a flight out of New York to distance myself from my life. But searching for America is such a wonderful illusion so easy to believe at age 20.

It was the summer of 1972 and I was in flight from drug rehab. My family had closed the door to my returning home. I had no job and no money, and in fact, very little clothes. I was staying with a high school friend at her apartment on Burnside Ave. in the Bronx. She was living with her boyfriend and another high school friend who had been crippled in an accident and was wheelchair bound. There was an empty room that had sheets of newspaper spread out on the floor with marijuana drying. Kathy, the cynical wheelchair bound girl was shooting heroin and had a variety of “friends” bringing her daily fixes. While I had bolted from rehab I had not abandoned my drive to stay off drugs. I knew I had to leave.

I looked in the paper one day and saw an ad for door-to-door magazine sales out of the city. I called and made an appointment to meet a representative at a hotel on Times Square. I met with the representative and he told me the deal and I made an appointment to meet with him at the Port Authority bus terminal the next afternoon. I went back to the Bronx, packed my bag and borrowed $10 from my friend. Everything I owned I was able to carry in one hand. Everything I wanted to get away from was a bus ride away, or so I thought. I boarded a Greyhound bus bound for Akron, Ohio. Thus began my trip of looking for America.

I like the song because it’s melody is sweet, and the song is orderly and easy. That period of my life was anything but. I found America on that trip. I also found me. I was out in the world alone and I handled it well enough to survive to be the person I am today. But I also learned a lot about how well I didn’t handle life. I took risks that nearly cost me my life. I took risks that put me in harm’s way physically, emotionally and psychically. I had no one else to look at, focus on, or blame. I found a world that I had not a clue existed. The other America. Farm land, illiterate adults, wandering souls who crisscross America in their semis, were a complete revelation to me. While I lived in the most exciting city in America I had become accustomed to seeing only the curb.

It was a good trip for me and now that I have 30+ years of hindsight to look back on it, it was pivotal in my long term recovery from addictions. I remember parts of the trip, which lasted 4 months, with horror, sadness, and awe. But mostly when I think back at that period in my life I remember the loneliness and pain that I brought with me on that trip. It’s that part of Paul Simon’s song that speaks to me most.

Thoughts for the Day

It can be difficult to accept others and to accept ourselves. "I should be better. I should be something different. I should have more." All of this is conception; it's all mental fabrication. It's just the mind churning up "shoulds," "ought tos," and "supposed tos." All this is conceptual rubbish, and yet we believe it. Part of the solution is to recognize that these thoughts are conceptual rubbish and not reality; this gives us the mental space not to believe them. When we stop believing them, it becomes much easier to accept what we are at any given moment, knowing we will change in the next moment. We'll be able to accept what others are in one moment, knowing that they will be different in the next moment. This is good stuff for everyday practice; it's very practical.
-- from How to Free Your Mind: Tara the Liberator by Thubten Chodron

I believe that happiness can be achieved through training the mind. When I say 'training the mind,' in this context I'm not referring to 'mind' merely as one's cognitive ability or intellect. Rather, I'm using the term in the sense of the Tibetan word Sem, which has a much broader meaning, closer to 'psyche' or 'spirit'; it includes intellect and feeling, heart and mind. By bringing about a certain inner discipline, we can undergo a transformation of our attitude, our entire outlook and approach to living.
"When we speak of this inner discipline, it can of course involve many things, many methods. But generally speaking, one begins by identifying those factors which lead to happiness and those factors which lead to suffering. Having done this, one then sets about gradually eliminating those factors which lead to suffering and cultivating those which lead to happiness. That is the way."
-- by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, from The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living

Quotes " "

"Happiness cannot come from hatred or anger. Nobody can say, "Today I am happy because this morning I was very angry." On the contrary, people feel uneasy and sad and say, "Today I am not happy because I lost my temper this morning." Through kindness, whether at our own level or at the national and international level, through mutual understanding and through mutual respect, we will get peace, we will get happiness, and we will get genuine satisfaction." -His Holiness the Dalai Lama

I received this email this morning from Beliefnet. How appropriate, as it has been the subject of or referred to in several posts. Just thought I'd share it.

Another Friday. I like Fridays, and today is as good a Friday as I'd ever seen (except Fridays that precede long weekends or vacations). This Saturday I will be going to KTC Jax, and after practice will attend my first meeting of the new Board of Directors. We will be taking our vows and having a general meeting to bring us up to speed on the status of the organization. I'm excited about it. I like being a part of the heart of an organization.

Sunday, Frankye and I will be attending another teaching on Ngondro practice. I need a lot of classes about this practice. It's time for me to actually do ngondro on a committed basis, but I'm still mystified by it and reluctant to do it incorrectly. I'm hoping another class in proper execution of these preliminary practices will clear up some of my confusion about this practice and motivate me to begin it in earnest.

Mentioning confusion reminds me of another quote, "Confusion is the absence of real feeling," from Robert Motherwell. Maybe I'm ready to get past real or unreal feeling. The feeling doesn't matter. What or if I feel doesn't matter. I need to just do it anyway.

Don't Get Stuck On Stupid

"Don't get stuck on stupid, reporters," is the actual quote by Lt. General Russel Honore, commander of federal troops in New Orleans. But it's certainly applicable to my life.

I get stuck. I know I get stuck on stupid. I get stuck on stupid far more frequently then I get stuck on smart. The only stuck on smart that comes to my mind is getting stuck on sobriety 29 years ago. That's a big stuck on smart, granted, but I've been stuck on stupid so many times since then and at times it's made my sobriety difficult and painful. Or, is that merely being alive is painful?

The thing that's so humiliating about getting stuck on stupid, is that I have the capacity to be smart - all the time. The thing that's so embarrassing about it is that I never feel more right then when I'm stuck on stupid.

Being stuck on stupid is not something exclusive to individuals. Nations have also been stuck on stupid. The USSR comes to mind. Pol Pot, the Khmer Rouge, and the Gang of Four come to mind. LBJ and Nixon come to mind. South Africa and apartheid come to mind. Hitler, Idi Amin, Mao Tse Tung. All stuck on stupid.

The thing that ties world leaders, nations, and everyday individuals together when stuck on stupid is the pain being stuck on stupid causes. We know the aftermath of apartheid, nazism, communist China, Soviet communism, Ugandan genocide, etc. What's not always evident is the person to person hurt from being stuck on stupid. The small stucks that hurt someone's feelings because you can't forgive or forget a time when they acted differently. The small stucks that close doors between people when they are most needed to be open. The small stucks that create and perpetuate fissures between family members. The small stucks that cause you to stub your toe on the same table leg over and over again.

Time to move on to my day, and not get stuck on this thought.

Living in the Eye of the Storm

This has been a week of loss for people I love. Two friends have lost their fathers, and my cousin Bobby was in a bad car accident and has fractured his spine. Things change, at least for 3 people I know.

Things change all the time. They have all my life. One of the constants about growing up in an alcoholic household is that you can never count on anything being the same from day to day. But the human spirit, being as adaptable as it is, can adjust to crisis and chaos. It can adjust to the point where that becomes the constant you hold on to. So you're still holding on to something - even if it is just a concept that there is nothing to hold on to.

It saddens me that my cousin had this accident. It was avoidable. He was drinking, in the middle of the day, and driving. He hit a tree. He has broken his upper spine. He is being immobilized now in an attempt to have the fractures heal. He can move his toes and fingers. But if he moves his neck he could become paralyzed from the neck down.

This has been a time of sadness. I can't discount the news coverage of the past 3 weeks of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. It is not only sad for the people in the Gulf region but it is sad for America. Sad that these tragic events happen. Sad that the toll is so high and usually paid by those who have the least to begin with. Sad that, whether true or not, it is still valid to question if our government acted (or failed to act) out of institutionalized racism. Sad that our President comes on prime-time television and offers hollow gift boxes to victims by telling the homeless, unemployed victims in New Orleans that they can homestead free federal land to build their new homes on. With what money one might ask. No answers there.

I've also had personal losses. Friendships that teeter on fragility and move in directions that feel irretrievable. Awareness that as I age there is less and less comfort in this world to be found anywhere or in anyone. Sadness that the few people I love can't be with me. Sadness that there isn't enough time in the day or energy needed to seek the comfort I crave.

It's living in the eye of the storm. I'm less and less able to adjust to living in the storm. Perhaps that's a good thing. There was a time when I wouldn't have felt alive if I weren't in crisis. That time has passed, happy to say.

Things Change (snap fingers)

The world I live in is spinning. Thank goodness, or we would fall off.
But that is not the spinning I'm referring to.

When I was younger it seemed as though the world was a reasonable place. I could depend on my world being relatively unchanged from day-to-day. The sun would shine, the rain would come, night would fall, the house would be there, I would be alive, I'd have food, etc.

The world seems much more tenuous now. Life seems more fragile. It's amazing any of us survive for any amount of time. And in fact, many do not. But the human population of the earth is increasing, so people not only survive, but more survive than die.

Yesterday I went to see "The Constant Gardener." It was a good film. There's nothing I could add to the almost unanimous reviews. It was worth seeing. I went alone. Something I hadn't done in many years, and actually enjoy doing. No distractions.

The film made me angry, as, I believe, it was intended to do. It piled on to the feeling that I've been experiencing since 9/11/01. The world is out of control. Of course, the world being in control is an illusion. But it was an illusion I became comfortable with, and predictable days enabled me to perpetuate and trust that illusion.

Since 9/11, the illusion has been shattered. Nothing feels permanent. Nothing is permanent. Everything changes, grows, deteriorates eventually. It's a change in what our culture teaches, in what we base our whole society on.

Intellectually, I accept the truth of that. Emotionally, I have not caught up. I'm naked now. Living my life as a naked, baggy-skinned, 54 year old.

I'm American, and I'm angry at my government. My government has a one track mind. Money. Make money, so we can have more. So we can live in comfort. So we can have a different reality than anyone else on earth. It doesn't matter that our way is unhealthy, for us and others, it only matters that it makes money. It doesn't matter that lives are sacrificed for this comfort. As long as it is more non-American lives, than American lives. It's all disguised in that ominous term, American interests.

We as Americans are as guilty as our government because we elect these louts. We buy into the advertisement to speed up our lives with fast food and chemicals, and we buy into the political, campaign lies. We elect people who are not free to govern with their conscience. We elect people who have so much political debt when they come into office that they can never catch up enough to actually make a decision that would take them and us out of that spiral.

America is now governed by large corporations. Corporations that have become so large, due to merges, that nobody really knows who they are. We can't boycott a company because of its methods and policies. If we did, we'd have nothing to eat. In this framework, I can almost understand the thinking (not the method) of Mao's cultural revolution. Wipe it clean and start over. It's too big to fight. Too big to chip away at.

It all makes me angry.

No Words Today

Friday!

I love Fridays. The last day of the work week, the start of the weekend.

Frankye and I will share a low-key weekend. Tonight, a stay-at-home evening, with Frankye's delicious b-b-q for dinner, and a rental movie. Tomorrow morning, practice with the sangha at KTC. Saturday afternoon is a memorial service for our friend Q's dad, who passed away last night. Frankye will be doing that service. The rest of the weekend will be quiet. Maybe we will go to a movie on Sunday, maybe we will just stay in (my preference). Either way, it will be enriching and restful.

I did 2 small paintings last night in my little moleskine sketchbook. Someday I will make larger copies of all these little paintings. I have come to appreciate the value of my mindless doodles and paintings. When looked at as a body of work I can see my own style come through. Someday, I will have the time and energy to actually paint the pictures in larger form.

Hangover

This graphic pretty much describes my mood this morning. Last night I had a bout with pent up anger that was indulgent, at best, and cruel at worst.

I lost my temper and when I do I say things that are hurtful and damaging. I feel so bad afterwards. It's like a hang-over. I slept with it and I woke up with it. And today I have to deal with my own short comings, my own demons.

The graphic is a stop sign with arrows pointing in 6 directions. It says, "STOP! LOOK!" Something I don't do when I am caught up in the heat of the moment. It doesn't happen quite as often as it use to, but I feel worse about it now than I use to.

On Aug 22nd, I posted the following quote in my journal:

"Skillful speech not only means that we pay attention to the words we speak and to their tone but also requires that our words reflect compassion and concern for others and that they help and heal, rather than wound and destroy." ~Bjante Henepola Gunaratana, "Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness"

In this instance, I failed miserably. But I refuse to give up. I will get back on the horse and try again. And I will try to repair the hurt I caused Frankye, as she was the recipient of my ill-mannered behavior.

One might ask, why would I post this to a web log? This weblog is like a letter to myself. My goal is to be honest with myself and share with family and friends - me. Warts and all, as they say. Maybe Frankye is right. Maybe this is just arrogance.

Wednesday

Hump Day. I will be in a software training at work for the next 2 days. What fun! [grumble, grumble]

I have been getting good feedback from friends on this blog site. I have informed only about 10 friends and family that it exists. It isn't something I want to be "public." For me, it's a journal. Sharing it with family and friends is a way for me to be more revealing about my thoughts and feelings. That's not something I do very easily. It's not my way. I tend to keep thoughts and feelings to myself. I've always considered them too personal to just release them into the ozone. It's something that has been a problem in relationships with family and friends all my life. There are few relationships in my life where I have felt comfortable enough to be 100% open and authentic. I can count them on one hand with digits left over. That is about me, not about any of the people in my life.

What do I mean when I say thoughts and feelings? I mean how I feel at any given moment when not in crisis or turmoil. It's more about the mundane than the dramatic. When provoked into deep or strong feelings, it's easy for me to express them. My thoughts on war, famine, family, or politics are easy to express. My thoughts on the broader topic of life, day-to-day thoughts and images, these are very hard for me to express.

I am reading a lot about the mind. The mind is of central focus in Buddhism. The word mind, in buddhism, is almost synonymous with the word soul, as used in other religions. As a result, I have been spending more time meditating and becoming aware of what goes on in my mind. Sometimes I'm horrified! The fantasies, the self-centeredness, the tape loops! What rubbish. Incredible that there is any time or room for anything meaningful. In Buddhism, thoughts are just thoughts. They all carry the same weight. They are not meaningful, good, bad, etc. They are just thoughts. But the goal is to control the mind, not be controlled by the mind.

Time to go to work.

Dreams

I woke up early. Sometime around 4 a.m. I had a weird dream, about a flood, here in Jacksonville. The cause was vague. Maybe a tsunami. The dream was about survival. We, Frankye and I, watched as the water rose around our house. As only would happen in dreams, a stray row boat washed up as the water rose from the creek up the back yard. I was able to snag it and tie it to the back deck.

The rest of the dream was about preparing what to take with us if we had to board the boat for our survival. We wanted our animals, all 7 of them, several days food for the animals and several gallons of water, which we had prepared in empty plastic gallon milk jugs in anticipation of Hurrican season. For ourselves we packed every cracker, protein bar and packet of protein breakfast we had. Our meds, a shaker bottle to mix the protein with water, some nuts we had, a small first aid box, and 2 flashlights completed our survival kit.

We put a few animal cages out on the deck, a blue tarp, and rope. We packed a small canvas bag with sun glasses, sunscreen, our tilly hats, and several t-shirts and shorts each. We then packed a large zip-lock freezer bag with important insurance papers, deeds, bank and account info, atm cards, credit cards, and photos of Frankye's children, H.H. Holiness Karmapa, our teacher - the Venerable Bardor Tulku Rinpoche. We carefully wrapped a small statue of Manjushri that was blessed and filled with prayers and relics by Rinpoche in a kata and then put it in another freezer bag. We also packed our mala beads and my small handwritten prayer book. That was it. Those were the things that mattered most.

The dream progressed to having to board the boat, and having a harrowing experience for more days than we liked. At one point our boat drifted out to sea and toward the east. All the animals except Ben and Yeshe, our young daschunds, died, most from shock and exposure. We set them in the water as each of them died. At one point we were able to pick up tree branches that were floating on the surface of the water. We used these to make adaptations to the boat, creating a tarped awning to keep us out of the sun.

The dream woke me. It was terrifying and as I woke up I still felt the need to play out survival scenarios in my head. At that point it became a tape loop, trying over and over again to problem solve dangers to our survival. I finally got out of bed at 5:20 and ended the teleplay in my mind.

I guess I've been watching too much Katrina news. I want to stop watching it. I want to shut it out. The suffering is so immense. But I can't. I keep thinking about the fact that the vicitms, human and animal, can't get away from it. Their misery is 14 days old. They can't switch it off. They can't say they've had enough and distract themselves with something inane. This is their life now. For now. As Buddha said, things change. This, too, shall pass and what does not kill us makes us stronger.

Photo of Manjushri from Namse Bangdzo Bookstore.

Another Monday

Just another Monday. Nothing special on my agenda today. Work, household chores, reading, meals, time with my animals, Frankye, chanting, tv watching, and more sleep. A whole day described in a sentence.

I watched H.H. Dalai Lama on CNN yesterday. At 4 p.m., CNN showed some of his presentation from the event in Sun Valley, Idaho live. But they only showed about 15 minutes. It was very good. I wonder though, when people who have not been exposed to Buddhism hear him if they understand what he is talking about or if they think he is being vague and aloof. I don't remember what it was like to not understand, I only know that I understand more now. I have a context within which I can hear what he is saying.

His message was clearly about compassion and geared toward the grief associated with both the anniversary of 9/11 and the Hurricane Katrina aftermath. While he was very expressive about the difficulty of watching such suffering or suffering so much one's self, he was also very clear about moving on and not dwelling on the grief. Not getting lost in the grief and sorrow.

A quote from his television appearance yesterday on This Week with George Stephanopulis:

This Week with George Stephanopoulis, September 11, 2005:
Our voice this week, the Dalai Lama. As we continue to recover from Hurricane Katrina, the spiritual leader for Buddhists all over the world has come here to offer Americans words of healing and compassion. Ten thousand people are expected in Sun Valley to hear the Dalai Lama's speech today, which will be broadcast worldwide.

The Dalai Lama: "When we are passing through a really difficult period, it is very important to try to keep calm, cool. Sometimes on the top of sadness, sometimes frustrations, anger… So try to keep your mind calm, and then, then most important, should not lose hope and optimism. That's important. We must keep our determination, our self confidence and look at more wider perspective. I think worldwide response, I think this is a sign of, I think, human compassion, human sense of concern. It's, I think good, in difficult experiences, as humans, I believe, become … more compassionate, at least when another human brother or sister is passing through difficulties. In our blood the seed of compassion is there, because we are a social animal. … One individual, above individual. His or her success, or happy life entirely depends on others. There is saying in Tibetan "Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength." I think, generally, where there's challenge we have the capacity to combat that challenge, I think, instead of sad or hopeless pessimism. When challenge is there, we must keep our determination, we must welcome that. That's important."

His Holiness' appearance on Larry King was disappointing. There were a number of guests, all via satellite from different locations and His Holiness was being asked questions about comments others were making, by listening to a speaker in his ear. He needed to rely on translation first before he could answer and he did not come off very clear. I had hoped it would be a one-on-one interview with Larry King at his studio. But it was a pleasure to see him. He must have been tired. He had a very long day yesterday.

From a caller on Larry King Live

CALLER: I'm a Buddhist nun in the Detroit area of course and I wanted to ask the Dalai Lama, I'm under one of his lineages, the Nyingma lineage, besides my regular daily practice in meditation what would he suggest as an additional daily practice for me to do for those who are suffering because of Katrina? KING: Do you understand that Your Holiness?

DALAI LAMA: I believe the practice of meditation on compassion these things are something like charging a battery, so now the real purpose is implement into action to transform into action. So I think this kind of situation is I think a fine opportunity to carry act of compassion and by nature meditation is something like recharge. When you feel tired and some, even little sort of hesitation, meditate on compassion.

KING: Sound idea.

DALAI LAMA: That gives you more willingness and then implement, transform into action.

It was a rare treat to see His Holiness on television live. I'm sure the rest of his trip will be wonderful. I look forward to the day when I can attend one of his teachings.

Photo of His Holiness Dalai Lama from CNN.com

A Day That Will Live in Infamy

Today is the fourth anniversary of one of the most horrific events to occur on American soil during my lifetime.

September 11th used to be a day not worth remembering for any particular reason. I don't know anyone who was born that day and it's never been an anniversary date for me. Now it is an anniversary date for Americans, not unlike December 7th. I will never forget.

I will do nothing to commemorate this day, except have it hovering in the back of my mind as I go about the activities of my day. It won't make me feel that this war is justified, or that revenge is the best deterrent against terrorism. Mostly, I will just feel sad. Sad for those who lost loved ones, sad for the survivors who are still struggling to piece together their lives, emotionally and economically. Sad for America, that we no longer have the freedom from fear in our own country. Sad for humanity, that the strongest, most influential and powerful nation on earth has yet to examine the contribution it made to bring this horrific event upon itself. Sad for all Muslims throughout the world who now bear the burden of the rageful actions of so few of them. It's just sad.

I look forward to hearing His Holiness The XIVth Dalai Lama on the Larry King Show on CNN this evening. I think his appearance today is purposeful and I hope people watching can hear his message of healing and compassion.

Hi! I'm Kess and this is my blog. It's called Crowmaxx. Crowmaxx is the combination of my two dogs, Crow, a black lab/shepard mix, and Maxx, a toy poodle. I've used the combined name for about 10 years.

Both of my beloved partners in life died in 2004. Crow died in February after she and my schnautzer Gertie broke out of our fenced yard and made their way to a public road. They were both hit by cars and killed instantly. A sad night.

Crow was a good friend. I relied on her for companionship and a sense of safety. She was a delight, playful, beautiful and sleek, and very loving. She was 10 years old when she died.

Maxx died later that year when he suffered a stroke during the aftermath of Hurricane Jean. After 6 days on no electricity and high heat my 15 year old little boy had a stoke. He had previously lost most of his hearing and sight. He was a good dog who brought me great pleasure and joy everyday that I had him.

Photo of Kess and photo of Maxx and Crow © C. Cripps 2003

Opening Post

First Blog
Friday, September 9, 2005
Jacksonville FL

My first internet blog. I've been journaling since 1974 and still have most of my journals though I have lost many of the earlier ones.

I love to write and journal. But I don't always. I wish I could say that I enjoy thinking, but I don't always. I wish I could say I had a clear view of what this was going to be about, but I don't always. So I will just move forward and see how it goes.