Good Fortune

I had a nice day yesterday. It was relaxing and easy, yet productive. I got the reorganization of the art book shelf done, and some reorganizing in the bedroom as well. I read some dharma and watched The Lion's Roar again (3rd time). I wrote email and a blog, and read some on-line info and the NY Times on-line. I spoke to my friend Lee and my mother, visited with C & S for a bit and played with the dogs. I watched the N.E. Patriots wallop the N.Y. Jets and enjoyed a JAG episode I had tivo'd. I cooked a frozen pizza, had a meeting with F to discuss household finances and cleaned the kitchen. I did a lot.

I'm feeling much more settled about the loss I am feeling. The pain has passed and so has much of the sorrow. I expect it to arise again as the date of C & S's departure approaches. But I think dealing with it yesterday by thinking it through, talking about it and writing about it, and realizing that loss is my reaction to change and no more than that has greatly reduced the degree to which I feel sadness and upset about it. As Christi herself has said, we are not losing friends, they are merely moving and we will still have plenty of contact and face-to-face time. There really is something to be said about dealing with things head on.

Today I read a short article about H.H. Karmapa and it mentioned he was trying to be vegetarian. I had heard recently that many Tibetans in exile were adopting vegetarianism, as they are no longer reduced to meat as one of the few sources of protein available to them. Of course, this makes me want to go back to being vegetarian. I often eat vegetarian meals but have eaten more meat, especially red meat, since my bariatric surgery. I can digest red meat better than chicken and it is a high source of protein for me. But I will consider a gradual conversion to vegetarianism. I know it is the right thing morally and spiritually.

Right now I am feeling very positive about the future. I am feeling more and more open to and protective of my relationship with the sangha. I am excited about Bardor Tulku Rinpoche coming to Jacksonville and everytime I think of him I wonder what good fortune to befall me that I have met him in this life. It causes me to wonder about my previous lives and whether I knew him then or is this our first encounter. I am such a neophyte Buddhist it would not surprise me if this were the very first life time in which I heard the name Buddha or met any Buddhists.

The other night I had a dream that I had retired and sold all my possessions but clothing, some books and art supplies. I still had Ben and Yeshe and I bought a pick-up truck and a small 5th wheel and lived in it very near KTD. I dreamed that I walked to practice in the main shrine room everyday and that the field where I had the trailer held a small community of other Kagyu practitioner's who had retired and wanted to be near the Monastery. My dream was peaceful. My practice was deep, and daily life was simple. I took great delight in the noodles and slept with them on my bed, the boys wrapped around each other in their sleeping bag. I thrived in the solitude. Even the snow didn't bother me!

Whether that dream is a glimpse at the future or not, I choose to see it as the future is bright. I look forward to seeing it unfold.