February 12th

I remember when the nation celebrated the birthday of Abraham Lincoln as a separate holiday. Prior to the acceptance of M.L.King's birthday as a national holiday we looked forward to 2 national holidays in February - Feb 12th and Feb 22nd for George Washington's birthday. Two 3-day weekends in the coldest month of the winter was a welcome relief from "having" to go out into the bitter cold.

No sense in avoiding this next paragraph.

C & S, "the" best friends, moved yesterday morning to MD. They came and picked up their dogs, the movers packed their belongings and they drove north to their new home. So it's done. We now live 800+ miles apart. For right now it just feels like any other Monday. I don't usually see them during the week. Sometimes C comes over on Wednesday nights, but our usual time together is Friday night and either Sat or Sun or both. During the week we exchange email and phone calls. This week will feel typical. This weekend I am going away and would not see them anyway, and then next week, another typical week of emails and phone calls. After that - adjustment.

I had trouble with my car and it is in the shop. I was in Fernandina Beach and the car was over heating like crazy. I made it back to town and took it to the mechanic and he opened the hood and saw immediately that the radiator was cracked. So the radiator has to be replaced. He will take the opportunity to replace all the hoses and $456 later I should be safe to drive to S. Florida on Friday. I really can't complain about it. This car has been strong and dependable for 10 years. I'm almost at 101,000 miles. We've only spent a moderate amount on general, regular maintenance. It's never been a problem.

I've got a damn cold again. Doesn't seem as bad as it was 2 months ago when I had it. But it's still a pain in the ass. I'm working through it and just feeling like shit, which I would feel like if I stayed home in bed all day with it. Might as well work. F has it too and she has it worse than me this time.

I've been trying to do at least one sketch everyday. I am trying to limber up my drawing skills. I hope to do a lot of quick sketches when we are in Santa Fe in April. I don't want to be so rusty.

The thing about drawing is the more I do it the easier it gets and that happens relatively quickly. But I never feel competent or secure in that and as a result it is not relaxing for me to draw. It creates tension for me. I have performance anxiety about it. Even if it's just me and I can throw the paper away and no one will know. I could still feel embarassed to myself about my lack of drawing skills. I'm trying to get past that and draw anyway. I'd like to work through the anxiety and get to a place where I can enjoy it like I enjoy doing abstract works.

When I do abstract drawings it doesn't matter to me if it doesn't work. Most of them don't. That's okay because I enjoyed the time I spent doing it whether it works as a picture or not. When it does work as a picture it is something I will enjoy each time I look at it. When it doesn't, I just look at the next picture.

And tomorrow is another day.