Moved From a Distance

I have been closely following the activities of H.H. Karmapa since his arrival in the U.S. last week. KTD has been generous in posting photographs of the Karmapa's agenda while at his main seat in North America. Several bloggers have been diligent in posting snippets of talks, his personal disclosures, his humor, and the rituals His Holiness is engaging in.

The most moving parts of what I have read involves His Holiness' comments on his reaction to NY, his feelings about Americans and America, and recalling when he first met Americans when he was 8 and thought they were strange looking. It is His Holiness' embrace of Americans and New York that have moved me to tears.

I have not been in NYC since 9/11/01. I just have not been able to go. I've visited my sister several times since then, each time purposely flying into MacArthur Airport and avoiding the aerial view of NYC. 9/11/01 broke my heart in many ways. I've seen photos and clips in films of the NY skyline without the WT towers, and each time it is as if the empty space were lit in neon. It is always, "what's wrong with this picture?"

It is not the buildings that matter. I have always believed that the buildings would come down. I just never imagined it would happen in such a violent, deliberate way. That one incident has left me vulnerable and homeless in a sense. The thought of going to NYC is unsettling, as if I would be going to a strange land. I don't want to see the remnants of the bombs (that's what the jets were - flying molitov cocktails). I don't want to see armed military protecting citizens in the streets, ala Tel Aviv. I don't want to see the changed landscape of NYer's eyes.

But now I have a new thought. A new image. The image of His Holiness Karmapa at ground zero. The image of His Holiness strolling through the contemporary art wing of the Met. The image of His Holiness at Tibet House. These places have become holy to me now. As if going would be akin to making pilgrimage to holy sites in India. I know that sounds sappy, but for me it is the first candle lit in the darkness that has been NYC since September 11th, 2001. My healing is beginning now.