A Dialogue

A friend sent me an email today about an article in the NY Times called, In Trafalgar Square, Much Ado About Statuary.

I went to the web page and read the article, saw the photo of the statue, and a photo of the model for the statute. The sculpture is of a naked pregnant woman. But she’s not just any naked pregnant woman. She is a naked, pregnant woman who has no arms and short legs. She herself is an artist and a mother.

I read the article and was impressed by her, Alison Lapper. And then I began what I have spent a lot of time doing lately, I measured me against her.

I wrote a comment back to my friend. Our email dialog went this way:

SHE: Thought this sculpture was grand.

ME: wow, yeah it's a great sculpture. Good for her, that she was there, and commented on not having slain anyone to get there. I'm always amazed by people like her. Her obstacles seem unsurmountable and yet she manages to have a full life. I, on the other hand....

SHE: You, on the other hand, what? I find your life admirable, you seem pretty fulfilled, surrounded by friends, in a good place...from the outside. Am I mistaken?

ME: Well, there's always room for improvement. I would like to have been, and still be, more courageous in my choices. I'd like to travel, to India, and other places. I'd like to not own a house, or things, or animals, or have any of the ties that bind me to one place. I'd like to be a free spirit. I think. Then there's the loneliness that's such a part of my life, and always has been. And I know that there is no way to eliminate it. It is the loneliness of being one. Relationships don't eliminate that. I don't think it's eliminatable. Aside from that, my life is a wonder!

SHE: Travel is always possible............the yen to not own or be responsible is not. And I think it is good to own, to be responsible, to relate to animals, to be tied down in some ways. It teaches us patience, allows us to reduce self-centeredness, gives us lessons that are invaluable on the dreary road to emotional maturation. LOL Furthermore, I think choosing to not be attached in any way is not a courageous choice, just a fantasy that would likely end in disaster.

Do we suffer from terminal "glass is half empty"-tude? One wonders.....

It was at that point that I stopped flipping back emails. Ahhh, touched a sore spot. I fancy myself an optimist. I’m the positive one! But, I think more often than not, I do look at the glass as half empty.

I want to be free of stuff and yet once upon a time I was free of stuff. Everything I owned I could carry in a backpack. I don’t remember feeling free. I remember feeling afraid and alone (which is different than lonely). Over the years I’ve worked hard to become a responsible person and to fill my life with people and things I love and give me comfort and companionship. It should be enough. It is enough. Why am I so dissatisfied? Something to ponder. (Thanks, Lin!)


Photo © Stephen Hird/Reuters
"Alison Lapper Pregnant," Marc Quinn's sculpture of his friend who was born with shortened legs and without arms, is to remain in Trafalgar Square until 2007.