Life is a journey

This picture of me and my sister was taken this past weekend in Delray Beach. We were there to celebrate our mother's 75th birthday. My sister and I had planned a dinner party at a nice Italian Restaurant and it included 14 family members traveling from Jacksonville, New York, and Sarasota.

Was it a surprise to my mom? Yes. But it was more of a surprise to my dad, my siblings and me that my mother was such a difficult bitch about the whole thing. Thirteen of us were absolutely thrilled to be there together for something as celebratory as a 75th birthday, and not a funeral. Knowing my mother, she will be difficult during her own funeral because it won't go down the way she wants it to.

But I'm not writing this blog about my mother. I'm writing it about my sister.

I absolutely adore my sister. If I have a truly best friend in this world it is my sister. She know's me better than anyone. I know her for her entire life. She knows me for all but the first 15 months of my life. She has seen me at my lowest point and she has seen me slowly recover. She's always been in my corner rooting for me.

I ALWAYS feel good when I am with Brenda. I can talk to her easily. We share very similar memories about growing up. We spent the first many years of our lives together, sharing a bedroom, being paired off as the "girls," treated alike, regardless of the age and school grade difference. While we are only 15 months apart, we were 3 school grades apart. My sister had to follow after me in school and got the "oh, no, you're not like your sister, are you?" treatment. She wasn't like me. She's very different.

In some ways my sister's not as smart as I am, nor as educated, or streetwise, or as curious about the world around her, but she is much smarter about living than I am. While she has suffered too, she has a built in tendency toward balance in her life. She chose her spouse well, and they have been married for 35 years. It's the smoothest marriage I have ever witnessed. They have not been without challenges, for they have had heartbreaking challenges. But they have always faced them together, with no division between them. They don't bicker. They enjoy each other and a quiet, but active life. They have friends, two of whom are their closest friends and have been since their teen years. They have just become grandparents for the first time.

I envy the ease with which my sister has approached her life. She had many of the same obstacles as I and yet was clear about what she wanted and what she didn't want. She stood firm in her determination to achieve her goals. I, on the other hand, never could see past my own nose and pain to create goals. And if I had, I doubt I would have had the confidence to strive for them, let alone accomplish them.

The thing that makes me feel best about my sister is that she reminds me on a fairly regular basis that I am her big sister. I am someone she looked up to while growing up. It was my bed she ran into at night when she was frightened by storms or shadows, or yelling. It was my hand she reached for when we were little and she was scared. It was my face she looked toward for comfort and reassurance when one of our parents were beating the shit out of us or each other. If was me she turned to when our mother would make her so angry all she could do was cry.

Brenda has always let me know that I am important to her too. That I am as loved by her as she is by me. She is the best medicine this life has to offer me. I can't imagine a world without her in it.