Homeland Security
I was watching TV this morning and heard Sally Field talk about Boniva. She said, “I have this one body, and I have this one life…”
That got me thinking about this one life. I thought about Sally and how she had chosen celebrity. She is an actress. She’s a good actress. She chose to express her art on a wider media, not the stage, thereby insuring a wider audience, and fame, if she succeeded. Both of which, she has achieved. Sally’s decision means she bought into the dominant culture to some degree; probably to a large degree.
I, too, have bought into the dominant culture. I don’t pursue fame or fortune. Yes, I’d like more money, but I don’t sacrifice for it and accumulating wealth is not high on my to-do list. It never has been. But I sacrifice some happiness and personal freedom for the dominant culture.
I let fear rule my life. Unlike in my youth, I am less afraid today of physical violence, and more afraid of not having enough in old age. I’m afraid if I don’t stay in the rat race, I won’t have a retirement of comfort, which I think I’m entitled to. I’m afraid I will be working well into my 70’s, which may happen no matter how conformist I am.
Breaking this down I first come to the belief in “entitlement.” In life, there is no entitlement. Does a lion in the jungle feel entitled? Does a squirrel in my yard feel entitled? Do they feel they’ve earned the right to be fed by me or all the other life surrounding them? So I have bought into the culture of work hard and long and someday you can sit and just play. I feel entitled.
In America, a retirement of leisure is a 20th century addition to our culture. It began with our grandparent’s generation, but has really blossomed for our parent’s generation. But it’s a fluke. The opportunity for that to continue has already been dismantled. Yet my generation still functions as if we will have the golden years our parents have. And I am right on board with them despite knowing it won’t happen that way.
I’m 55 and more and more I think about my present instead of my future. I fear the future and that keeps me living my present as it is. The world is becoming a more volatile place, economically, violently, and ecologically, yet I keep on the same path like a horse with blinders on running a race toward a cliff.
Sometimes I sit in my chair at home and I look at my surroundings and I feel no attachment whatsoever to any of it. I wonder sometimes what stops me from getting out of the chair and getting in my car and driving away, forever. Other times, I feel so safe and comfortable here that I can’t feel the madness in the world that surrounds me, as if they were two separate entities.
Someday I may decide to make a radical change. That doesn’t mean I won’t go to work. It doesn’t mean I will move. It doesn’t mean I will do anything different other than clinging to the fear as a justification for how I live my life. Or it may mean physical change. Either way, it will require living my life outside the confines of culture, regardless of how that culture changes or what the culture dictates.
That got me thinking about this one life. I thought about Sally and how she had chosen celebrity. She is an actress. She’s a good actress. She chose to express her art on a wider media, not the stage, thereby insuring a wider audience, and fame, if she succeeded. Both of which, she has achieved. Sally’s decision means she bought into the dominant culture to some degree; probably to a large degree.
I, too, have bought into the dominant culture. I don’t pursue fame or fortune. Yes, I’d like more money, but I don’t sacrifice for it and accumulating wealth is not high on my to-do list. It never has been. But I sacrifice some happiness and personal freedom for the dominant culture.
I let fear rule my life. Unlike in my youth, I am less afraid today of physical violence, and more afraid of not having enough in old age. I’m afraid if I don’t stay in the rat race, I won’t have a retirement of comfort, which I think I’m entitled to. I’m afraid I will be working well into my 70’s, which may happen no matter how conformist I am.
Breaking this down I first come to the belief in “entitlement.” In life, there is no entitlement. Does a lion in the jungle feel entitled? Does a squirrel in my yard feel entitled? Do they feel they’ve earned the right to be fed by me or all the other life surrounding them? So I have bought into the culture of work hard and long and someday you can sit and just play. I feel entitled.
In America, a retirement of leisure is a 20th century addition to our culture. It began with our grandparent’s generation, but has really blossomed for our parent’s generation. But it’s a fluke. The opportunity for that to continue has already been dismantled. Yet my generation still functions as if we will have the golden years our parents have. And I am right on board with them despite knowing it won’t happen that way.
I’m 55 and more and more I think about my present instead of my future. I fear the future and that keeps me living my present as it is. The world is becoming a more volatile place, economically, violently, and ecologically, yet I keep on the same path like a horse with blinders on running a race toward a cliff.
Sometimes I sit in my chair at home and I look at my surroundings and I feel no attachment whatsoever to any of it. I wonder sometimes what stops me from getting out of the chair and getting in my car and driving away, forever. Other times, I feel so safe and comfortable here that I can’t feel the madness in the world that surrounds me, as if they were two separate entities.
Someday I may decide to make a radical change. That doesn’t mean I won’t go to work. It doesn’t mean I will move. It doesn’t mean I will do anything different other than clinging to the fear as a justification for how I live my life. Or it may mean physical change. Either way, it will require living my life outside the confines of culture, regardless of how that culture changes or what the culture dictates.
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