33 Years Ago

33 years ago today I graduated from Aurora. I remember the day clearly. I was nervous all day and ecstatic after it was announced at the annual dinner dance fund raising event. All graduates during the past year were announced and one surprise graduate was announced. I was the surprise graduate on June 14, 1974.

Looking back now it feels like it was a different lifetime and the world was a different place. It makes me pause and wonder if I have reached my full potential as a person. I wonder if I am even near my potential. I wonder if I have spent my time well, expanding the potential I was thought to have 33 years ago. I wonder what risks I have taken since then that have had the impact on me that completing the course of treatment at Aurora had. It was nearly the first thing in my life I had ever completed. I started Aurora on August 17, 1971, and with several stops and starts finally graduated 34 months later. That's a long time. A long time to be in boot camp.

There are days, maybe today is one of them, when I can't see progress or fulfillment of potential. There are days when I still walk around saying, "how the fuck did I get myself into this mess?" There are days when I still don't know who I am, why I am, or how I got here. But those are only occassional days. Most days I feel settled within myself, comfortable in my own skin, content to live peacefully with myself. Sometimes I think it is a by-product of aging and an indication that the fight has gone out of me. Sometimes, most times, I know it is because I have come pretty damn close to being the person I wanted to be way back in 1974.