2006

I woke up to the news that Saddam Hussein's hanging is imminent. This brings me sadness. Any kind of murder makes me sad. There is no justification for it. I heard an Iraqi official say yesterday that the hanging will not be televised or held publicly because they do not want to appear barbaric and they feel he should be given the respect of privacy. If they don't want to appear barbaric they should not hang him or kill him in any other manner. If he is due the respect of a private murder then he is due the respect of valuing life.

I'd like to say that I'm glad to see this year go. But it has already gone, up to and including the time it took me to type this sentence. Emotionally I am feeling the effects of the cumulative events of this past 10 - 11 months. I am feeling the effects of being off schedule for the past several weeks, longer maybe, since vacaton in early November. I am feeling the effects of living in a disordered home right now. I am feeling the effects of not having enough privacy right now. Those are the difficult feelings.

The easy feelings are that I am feeling very close to my sangha. Close and protective of it. I am feeling the urge to paint and as soon as I decide what medium to use I will begin to paint a small series of paintings. I am reading the dharma and enjoying it and learning. I am chanting and practicing more. I have close friends who I can tell I am blue. I have a boss whom I can tell I am blue and she makes a suggestion that I take one of those weekend retreats for myself. She reminds me how renewed I come back from one of those. I have friends who care and ask if they can do anything to help. Always there, needed or not. Always getting me to laugh and be outside myself. These are all the easy things right now.

The only thing I know will happen in the future is that each day will be a different date. I have no new year resolutions. I have no intention of making any. I aspire everyday to be better than I am now. Sometimes I succeed. Frequently I do not. I keep trying anyway.