Learning, Learning

It is said that to be fully alive one should learn something new everyday. Tonight I will be attending a teaching called Healing Mind and Body by a visiting American Lama named Tsultrim Yeshe (John Samuels). Lama Yeshe is from Minnesota, works as a prison chaplain, is an ordained Tibetan Buddhist monk in the Karma Kagyu lineage. He has completed the traditional three year, three month, three week retreat and now travels the country on weekends teaching the Buddha dharma at Kagyu centers.

I have taken several teachings from visiting Lamas since I took refuge vows six years ago. Most were given by Tibetans who spoke little or no English and required an interpreter to assist. My own teacher, Bardor Tulku Rinpoche, always teaches with a tanslator, though when I have been in private conversation with him, he understands me and I understand him. Tonight will be a different experience in that no translation is required, and the context within which Lama Yeshe will give his talk will be geared toward western culture.

On a personal level I continue to learn as well. I am learning that when I am wrapped up in negative emotions like anger and jealousy, I am usually out of touch with the real me. What is the real me? The real me knows that my feelings are not facts and that my feelings change rapidly, and therfore on an individual level they have no value. My thoughts also change as rapidly, perhaps even more rapidly and therefore also do not mean much. I can rant all I want in my head, case-build, deride others, argue point-by-point perceived slights or injustices, and none of it means anything.

I learned long ago in therapy that thoughts come first and then feelings. So if I am thinking I am persecuted, then I will feel persecuted. If I think I am loved I will feel loved. But learning doesn't always change behavior. That's where Buddhism fits in my life and maybe that is why it is called Buddhist practice.