thoughts in form

I haven’t written for a while. Not since before the holidays. It’s not that I haven’t had anything on my mind, or anything I wanted to express. It just hasn’t been in words.

I’ve been very visual for the past several weeks. I get this way for periods of time. It may be a result of sensory and social overload. The holiday period often does that me.

My thoughts come in form and color, with no narration. It’s almost like watching a movie, but without a voice and soundtrack. It doesn’t have the continuity of a movie, though, more like an animated slide show. It’s a comfortable place for me to be because I think it is my natural, primal state. I think others find me flat and distant. At least that’s the feed back I get from those around me. People tell me I seem preoccupied, and perhaps I am, but all I’m really doing is watching my inner thoughts as they float by in images, shapes and colors.

Sometimes the forms will take shape and I will put them on paper, usually in my journal with pen. I do stream of consciousness doodling, sometimes pages at a time. Sometimes I will paint them with watercolor paint, other times I will use pencil to shade them, and other times I will use colored pencils to add color to the images.

This Christmas I got a sumi-e board as a gift. It’s a special board on which you can create calligraphy and images in water with a sumi brush. Within minutes it disappears and the board is dry and ready for more creation. I really like it. There are several lessons in using the sumi-e board. One is about impermanence. Everything, EVERYTHING! is impermanent. The other lesson is that not every stroke I make is worth anything more than a few drops of water and the energy I used to create it. That’s a real ego lesson. I could even create lines that could be the most brilliant thing I ever do in my life, and, like me, it will disappear in a brief period of time. And it’s ok.

So while I have not written in a while, it is not because I have not been present. I am very much present in the world and in my life. There are times when I am viewing the world from a more interior space than other times. This has been one of those periods.