low

The American Heritage Dictionary’s 5th definition of low is: "Emotionally or mentally depressed; sad."

That about describes it. That’s me right now. It doesn’t help that I don’t feel well. Hard to know which came first. But I do know that I am low today. Way down there. Again from the dictionary: "Having little height;" "Below average or standard in degree, intensity or amount;" "A low level position or degree;" and the one that is the truest description of my mood: "The gear configuration that produces the lowest range of output speeds, as in an automotive transmission."

What I really feel like doing is going home, having a nap, and then going into my studio and painting for a bit. I’d listen to music. Music that I love and can sing to. I’d let the music lift my spirit and the creative process would energize my mind and body. The smell of the oil paint and turpentine would tickle the follicles in my nose and reinforce the well-being creativity nurtures in me. The brush in my hand, my preferred tool of meditation, would rest my mind and spirit in a way no other thing can. At the end of it I’d have a picture, good or bad, it doesn’t matter. It would be a document of the experience I had one afternoon when I was feeling low and spent some time alone with my soul.

But today is Wednesday and my time and energy is accounted for. I’m at work, where I should be. With my headache. I will do chores at lunchtime and then return to work until my day there is over, my energy with it. I will return home and do a few more chores. I will listen to people talking. I will hear what they say as if I were in a well and they were speaking to me from above ground. A friend will come over. She will bring dinner. It will be delicious and comforting, as well as a relief not to have to cook. I will think about the day I had today and review the things on the agenda for tomorrow. I will understand that tomorrow will be a longer day and I will need to sleep longer and better tonight. I will wonder when I will have time for me to take care of recharging this low battery I am living on. I will realize it may be quite a while before that can happen. It will make me want to sleep deeper. I will hope that happens.