Absence

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. But that's not true of writing. When I haven't written in a while it just leaves my life. I don't think of it. I don't remember it. It's kind of like talking about how I feel, or discussing my thoughts. It can easily drift out of my life without a thought, or missing it at all.

Habits. Habits are facinating things. I've had habits that have been agonizing to break. Drugs, drink, cigarettes. Agonizing to give up and long term missing and grieving their absence. But talking about what I think? Writing my thoughts, feelings, musings, making art? They can fly out a crack in the window quicker than I can notice.

Developing a habit is also hard. The bad ones, of course, become habits before I really notice that I'm doing something. But the good stuff, the productive stuff, each step of the way is a chore. When I was trying to incorporate Buddhist practice into my life it was something I had to force myself to remember to do every day and then I missed it a day and the next day it was as if I had never done it at all. One of the hardest habits its taken me to develop is brushing my teeth before I go to bed. Stupid, right?

So, the jist of it is that I got out of the habit of blogging for several weeks. Now I want to incorporate it back into my life and so I have to force myself to write, and write about what is going on right now. Breaking and developing habits. My goal is still the same: to be more open about my life, even when it's trivial.