odds and ends

I had a good week. Another 3-day work week. I could get used to these easily. I am just getting an inkling of the work of my new position. After 10 years of working within the same dept. and becoming knowledgeable of that federal grant, I have to learn a whole new one. It's new people to get to know and different tasks to learn, though the skills needed to do them are the same. It should be fine.

I began to read about buddhism over 7 years ago. This coming January will be 7 years since I took refuge. It is only recently that I feel my commitment to practice developing and growing. It takes a long time for me to transition from intellectual curiosity to sincere interest to a seed of belief to commitment. This is the first time since I have been affiliated with KTC that I can actually see the growth. It encourages me to keep on.

I thought this blog on Buddhism and tattoos was interesting. I have a tattoo on my left bicep of the Om Mani Peme Hung mantra. I don't consider it art but a form of practice. Getting the tattoo is a commitment to Buddhism and to the mantra in its written form.

I am trying to think through not worrying too much about the future. I worry about things like: what if I lose my job? what if I lose my home? what if I get sick? what if I have an incapacitating accident? These are useless worries. Useless because it doesn't matter what the answer is. Whatever will happen will happen whether I worry about it or not. The very worst thing that can happen to me is that I die. And that is the one thing that I know will definetly happen. So what's to worry? It is just an old habit that's difficult to break. I have outgrown it, as I have outgrown many things.

Speaking of outgrowing things brings up the issue of aging. I'm 56 now. Part of me is stunned! It just happened so fast.

On another level, getting older is such a delight. This past weekend in Finksburg I sat by the back door window and watched leaves fall from the trees. I thought about how like human life that is. We spend a good deal of our life growing, accumulating information, possessions, habits, ideas, beliefs...
Then one day you realize that a gear has shifted, almost without noticing. Gradually, possessions, ideas, beliefs, habits, are reconsidered, and many slowly float away, like a discarded leaf in a gentle breeze. You lose your physical agility and gain mental and emotional agility. What a trade off. Actually, it's a good trade-off. I wouldn't go backwards. I wouldn't trade what I know now for a body that can do whatever I want it to with pain-free ease.