Moving On (again)

Today is our last day at the cottage. It's been a lovely week. Yesterday we decided to have another in day and did not venture out in the car at all. I enjoyed the in days as much as I enjoyed the days we went out and did things. I'm happy that F and I both recognized the need to do that and didn't push ourselves to do things just "because."

While inside I watched TV, wrote in my journal, read more of 13 Moons (loving it) took a nap, packed some stuff and loaded it in the car, spent several hours on the porch with F reading aloud, reading quietly, watching birds and listening to thunder echoing throughout the mountains. It was lovely time spent together.

Afterwards, I made us a dinner of fresh sliced tomato salad and blueberry pancakes made with rice flour. MMMMM. Delicious! F and I have shared the cooking and cleaning during the week. No one of us was burdened with the chores of daily living. It's been a very nice balance.


We have mostly stayed away from the news on TV. I have no interest in the presidential campaign at this point. I will not be watching every speech and every sound bite for the next 5 months. I will tune in again about 2 weeks before election day and make a decision then. I just don't want to deal with all the spin in the media. Here's a photo of F expressing her feelings. She's not an enthusiastic Obama supporter, but she is enthusiastically against McCain

Today we will make our way down to Greenville, SC. We will visit the sight of Todd's death. Frankye wants to mark the site with a stone. Then we will go to the cemetary and see his headstone for the first time. We'll be staying at a motel, coincidentally the same one we stayed in when we were in Greenville for Todd's funeral. This will be the hard part of the trip for F. That and having lunch with her daughter-in-law and her new husband. F was just told that Todd's youngest son, Jake, who is serving in the Air Force, and was in boot camp when his father died on his birthday, just received orders to go to Iraq. His company will be deploying this September. We knew this was inevitable but dreaded it.

That's all the news fit to print today.

v a c a t i o n

This has been one of the more restful and rich vacations F and I have ever been on. Our stay here in Weaverville has been quiet and slow paced. We spent two days (Sunday and Tuesday) just hanging around the house napping, watching tv, reading, napping again. We didn't turn on the computer until Wednesday evening.

We've sat out on the porch like two old farts, eating berries, reading aloud teachings from the Heart Advice of the Karmapa. The teachings are clear and concise and it is apparent His Holiness has strong feelings and opinions about living dharma in the modern world.

Wednesday we went to Cherokee. We had originally intended to gamble, but once there preferred to spend our time at the Museum of the Cherokee Indian. It's a wonderful museum tracing the Cherokee on this continent from 11,000 B.C.E. to just after their removal from native lands via the trail of tears. It's very well done with dioramas, films, voice over exhibits and authentic costumes, tools and weapons. As we entered the museum we were greeted by an elderly Cherokee native who struck up a conversation with F (of course). Turns out he is the Cherokee on the brochures and is a member of the Wolf Clan of Cherokees. Unsolicited, he autographed a museum brochure with his photo on the cover and gave it to F.

Yesterday we spent a rainy day in downtown Asheville. We browsed a used bookstore, had cappuccino and a bagel at Izzy's coffee house, and spent a little more time at Malaprop's, where we had another cup of coffee and chatted. I bought 3 books, 2 by a local mystery writer named Sallie Bissell, and Thirteen Moons by Charles Frazier. We decided to take the scenic route back to Weaverville and came across a lovely park along French Broad River. It had stopped raining by then and we walked down to the river to explore a little. There were a number of families in the park, wading in the river, picnicking, and fishing. An older man with 2 generations with him came over and chatted with us for a short while. He's a native of the area and talked about how much cleaner the river is now than it was 25 years ago. Unfortunately, this is a typical story in America. We have trashed this continent and it's really a shame, because it is so beautiful. We took several photos of the river, each other and a close-up of us. F picked berries from a tree and enjoyed them. We made our way back to the cottage and sat on the porch watching the hummingbirds and finches feed. Another lovely day.

Lenoir

I slept very well last night. Probably the best sleep I've had in over a week. I woke at 5:30 and quietly rattled around a bit. I made myself a cup of coffee and went on line. We have high speed in this motel and there are a number of websites I have wanted to visit. I downloaded a number of them very rapidly for later reading at the cottage. We will have rudimentary AOL dial-up service there and I'm not even sure yet if it will be a toll call. Having webpages already on my computer will give me an opportunity to catch up on some of my favorite or new blogs.

About 8 am I went downstairs and got breakfast for F and I. I made her a fresh waffle and myself a toasted bagel. We each had a hard boiled egg and 2 cups of coffee. It was delicious.

After breakfast I read aloud a teaching from Heart Advice of the Kamapa, a book of teachings given by H.H. the 17th Karmapa that was published on the occassion of his first visit to America. The teaching was on the essence of Buddhism and is quite good. F and I had a nice discussion about it afterward.

I read a little more, wrote in my journal and have now written this blog. I'm about to wake F up from her post-prandial nap and we will get up and out. We will be traveling about a half hour to Boone to attend the Boone in June art manufacturers fair sponsored each year by Cheap Joe. Afterwards we will make our way to Weaverville and to our rented cottage. I will post more during the course of our vacation.

Another Place

I began vacation on Thursday. F and I had plans to leave Jax between 8 - 10 a.m. The time came and went. This time it wasn't F. It was me. As I have been writing here and in my journal, I have been exhausted. All week F and I went to work, did work around the house and needed chores all in anticipation of hitting the road on Thursday morning. When it came, I couldn't do it.

Tuesday morning my father was admitted to the hospital again. This time in anticipation of sx to remove malignant tumors from his prostate. The sx was scheduled for Thursday afternoon. It took me the afternoon of Thursday to realize that the reason I was dragging my feet on leaving Jax was that I couldn't stand to add another mile to the distance between my father and me. I live 330 miles north of him and the thought of going another 450 miles away was just undoable. I needed to wait for the sx results and know that he was ok before I could leave home. F was patient and understanding throughout the day. The dogs were most grateful to have been given a reprieve. As was Lori.

With dad's sx successful and behind him F and I loaded up and pulled out of the driveway at 8:45 am this morning. We had a very uneventful and pleasant trip through Ga, SC and into NC. In the course of it my shoulders lowered, my neck untensed, and my mind slowed down. I am on vacation!

We arrived in Hickory NC at 5:15pm. Several weeks ago we had made arrangements to meet Ken & Jerry at Olive Garden in Hickory on Friday. Had we arrived on Thursday as planned it would have been a half hour drive from our hotel. It was a one hour+ drive for K & J from their home in Winston-Salem. We got to the restaurant 3 minutes before the scheduled time. We had travelled 433 miles and we were on time! Had we left on Thursday, and traveled to Hickory from Lenoir, we would probably have been late. I'm sure of it.

We had a wonderful, but too short 2 hours with K & J. They both look TERRIFIC. We laughed, reminisced, dished, and shared about our current lives. They seem very happy with their life in W-S, their cats, and their lives together. We parted promising to visit them in W-S next trip.

We made our way to Lenoir and checked into our one night stay motel. We were settled in for the evening before dark. And my father had a good day too!

the call of the mountains

It's Sunday of the week we leave for vacation. Hopefully, Thursday morning by this time, we will be passing into SC from GA. Can't wait.

The first part of our trip will take us to Lenoir, NC, arriving before dusk on Thursday. Just south of Boone, it is close enough to spend only a half hour traveling to Boone for Cheap Joe's Boone in June Trade Show on Saturday. Friday we will tool around the area taking in the mountains and the sights. Friday night we plan to meet friends in Hickory for dinner.

After Boone in June, we will head west to Asheville for the next and largest part of our trip. We will spend 8 days in Weaverville, just north of Asheville, where we have rented a small 1 bedroom cottage. While we plan to do some outings, we also plan to stay very close to the cottage resting, reading, doing Buddhist practice and artwork, and watching DVDs. There is a phone with local access but we won't know if we will be able to log onto the internet from there. We've already been told by the owner that cell phone receptivity there is rare if at all. I hope to have internet access while away so I can post pictures and tales of our time in the mountains.

The last part of our trip is a somber pilgrimage. We will go to SC for 2 days and visit the location of Todd's death and go to the cemetery to view his headstone for the first time. Seeing his name and his birth and death date chiseled into stone is the very last part of the process of letting go of Todd. It's already been 2 years. It goes fast. We will visit with Todd's widow and her new husband, then return to Jax on July 1st.

I need this time away like I haven't needed a vacation in a long time. For the last 5 years I have taken vacation in late March - early April. I am feeling the fatique of the extra 2 months of work without vacation. I'm tired and really need a break. I love the area we're going to. The mountains roll over my consciousness and soul in a way that refreshes me. When I lived in NYC I vacationed every year in S.Florida. That is where I went to wash away the stress and strain of my daily life. Now that I live in FL I seek out the mountains of NC for restoration. I love it there. The air, the beauty of the mountains, the sky, the people, the sound of no sound.

But the trip is not today. It is not until the end of the week. And there is much to do here now.

Happy Birthday Pooper!!!

Today is my Pooper's birthday. She is 37 YEARS OOOOOOOOOLLLLDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my, how and when did that happen. I love you and miss you Clio! Happy Birthday, baby.

Lots going on in this past week. Busy like crazy at work. Nothing new about that. I am enjoying working with my boss JD. We worked together in the past for about 4 years and are once again in an easy relationship. A job opened last week in my former dept. and I opted not to apply for it. I will stay where I am and continue trying to contribute something worthwhile to this project.

Frankye came home after a 17 day trip to Annapolis. While all creatos in the house missed her, we had gotten into a routine of day to day activity that was quiet and pleasant. However, if one were sensitive, one could have gotten offended when every being in the house, including spiders and bugs, RAN TO THE DOOR at top speed the moment they heard her voice. I heard them, under their breath, screaming in a whisper....she's home, she's home, she's home!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank God, it's over!

The other thing that happened is my father was diagnosed with a tumor in his prostate. Not so unusual in a 78 year old man. Last week he had a biopsy and a procedure to remove the tumor, regardless if it was malignant or not, was scheduled for this week. As the week wore on, he began to lose his appetite, he got weak, and was urinating like crazy. By Saturday, he was so dizzy and dehydrated that he fell while bringing laundry in. He hit his head and couldn't get up. He refused to allow my mother to call the EMS. Instead she called my brother and nephews. They were there in a flash and were able to get him up. If it had to happen, I'm glad it happened on a Saturday when they were home.

Once my dad was up and tended to, my mother called my dad's doctor and the doctor spoke to my father and insisted he be taken to the hospital. He entered through the ER on Saturday. He had developed an infection from the biopsy, became dehydrated, his blood pressure went into the basement, and his heart rate became very elevated. His infection is being treated IV, his bp is getting better, but his heart rate has not slowed down. He is feeling better, has the energy to be agitated about the culture and schedule of hospital life, but hasn't gotten any indication of when he may be returning home. Not sure if they will keep him in and do the tumor removal while he is in the hospital or not.

I feel as though my parents have turned a corner. They have turned the corner of vulnerability, of aging to the point of increased frailty, not so much in their ability to be mobile, but in their ability to recover from accidents and illness. My mother has been home alone since my dad is in the hospital. She hasn't wanted anyone to come over and stay with her. I know she is scared. She hasn't been sleeping well. She is anxious about losing my father. She is anxious and when she is anxious she cleans. She tells me on the phone that she is cleaning to prepare for my father's return. A nice sentiment, but the house is not now, nor is it ever, not clean.

I'm frightened too. I'm frightened for them both. I'm frightened for the one who is left. Whichever one it is, will have a rough time of it. I know they both think of death. They both know it is coming. They have made arrangements, and have set up everything in our names jointly with theirs. That works really well if they go together. I don’t think that I, my siblings, or either of them are prepared for a long protracted illness for either of them. How do you do that? Other than knowing the possibilities, how do you gracefully prepare for that inevitability?

My mother is the matriarch of her family. She is the oldest of her generation. Three of her female cousins have died in the past 4 years. Two were in the their 50’s and one was 68 when she died this past year. My father is the patriarch of his family. He is the oldest male. He lost his eldest brother (and closest friend) in 1980. He just recently lost an elder sister. He has 3 other siblings alive, only one older than he. It is their time. They know it more than I do. As I am aware of my own aging in ways others do not yet detect in me.

This has been my week. I've had 3 joys in my week: watching the visit of H.H. Karmapa from afar; the return of Frankye safe and sound; and the news that my nephew Joseph and wife Karen are expecting their 2nd child!